I’m stuck in fear.
I know that the only way to pursue my purpose of raising the awareness of public attention on the issue of farming crisis is to keep patient and calm, but in these last days I’m not succeeding in this task.
I’m mad at me and I can’t forgive myself for having wait for so much time to commit myself in this feat. People around me consider absurd and maybe silly my regrets, because of my young age. They constantly try to convince me that there is no reason to be so angry with myself for my past mistakes, but the fact remains that I am. And further I’m going to accomplish my current goals, the more my anger and frustration arise, because whether or not this is where I supposed to be in my life journey, I can’t avoid to think that I could have got here long time ago, instead of wasting my years following fleeting ghosts.
I’m not at peace with myself at all, although now I’ve a meaningful and powerful purpose in my life. And the responsibility of it is only mine, since I’d missed the courage to be myself. To be truth with what really matters to me. I’d run after desires that didn’t fit with my expectations for a life of which being proud. And even if I’m 25 years old and theoretically there’s plenty of time for me to become the woman I’d like to be, none could never give me back my lost years.
I have a dream and this time I’m ready to fulfill it, no matter how much strenuously I shall fight for it. I couldn’t bear if the only obstacle to make it true is a problem of running out of time. In fact, that’s it. Everything is just a matter of time and I’d never really believed that it depends on my biological age. Of course I’ve the inner strength and the flame of youth that is burning in my bosom, but it doesn’t mean that I’m less disillusioned than my parents are.
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