Almost everyday in this sort of journal of my journey as entrepreneur that I’m keeping, I’m struggling to be authentic. Since instinctively I’m led to conform to everyone else’s attitude and communication pattern.
On the net everyone seem to have lots of answers to a wide range of disparate questions and tips to solve all the problems of life. I sincerely envy these folks who find so easy to deal with any challenge both financial and mental and who are so self-confident of their taken road, because I have so many queries to discern in my mind. And one among these questions is how to be authentic.
It’s freaking scary. I’m always worried of being judged and be regarded as inadequate for the tasks of an entrepreneur. And I feel inhibited by this self-doubt to be fully honest and writing down what I’m really going through in these months of preparation. Like for instance the critical decisions that I’ve been making might prove to be both right or wrong. The pressures upon myself because of the financial troubles of my family. The constant confrontation with my innermost fears that many times prevent me from taking action according to my needs.
Daring to be truly myself is one of the most challenging tasks I’ve ever had to perform. But I know that the fulfillment of my dream entirely depends upon it. There is such competition of visions nowadays that if I want to make mine emerge, it must be unique and it’s a quite impossible feat without giving myself entirely to it. I acknowledge it, but it means to get everyday out of my comfort zone. I feel not safe in sharing my private life as people overwhelmingly do on social networks also if many of them just avoid to tell their problems until they’re gone.
Obviously, I’m not obliged to make this effort. I could easily just writing of my business, but I feel that it wouldn’t be enough. Probably because I’d like myself to know the intimate thoughts of other pioneers while they’re taking the first steps. When I read the biographies of entrepreneurs who have already succeeded in their field, I don’t identify with their stories. They’re too far way from mine on their conquered peak. I’m still at the first stage with all the struggles involved in realizing something that doesn’t exist yet.
About a month ago, I was contacted by a platform of Crowdfunding specifically addressed to social impact businesses, UpEffect. On April 4th I have a Skype’s appointment with the CEO to discuss the launch of My Rivendell’s campaign. I wasn’t sure of sharing this news to ward off ill-luck. In the meantime other opportunities have been opening up but they’re work-in-progress, so I prefer to not dwell on them yet. I merely cross my fingers.
I’m pretty fatalistic about these things. Indeed I think that if the success of a feat relies upon one’s mindset, prowess and consistence, there’s also a big deal of luck one is to take into account. If fate isn’t on one’s side, there isn’t anything one can do about to overturn its verdict. Only trying and trying again until it’s the right time to accomplish it. I don’t know if I’m right in this thinking, but it helps me to keep the focus on my actions instead of on the eventual outcome, especially when the external conditions aren’t working with me.
For instance last month I received a smaller amount of investment than I expected and consequently I was forced to modify the schedule of the Aquaponic systems construction. Unfortunately, these are setbacks that occur. None is to be blamed for it. Even the weather conditions are undermining the works. It should be spring and it looks like a never-ending winter with low temperature, strong wind, clouds and rain. Only a pair of sunny days to bless My Rivendell’s progress.
Moreover the political situation in Italy is ever more unsteady. The day after the new Government settled the consensus between the main political parties cracked. It’s like erecting a citadel on quicksand. I’d better fabricate a ship to sail towards impossible horizons. This is the image that best suits what I aim to carry out with My Rivendell: a modern Noah’s ark to save human and natural values from the inundation of violence, hatred, ignorance and workalcoholism.
As you already maybe read about, it’s not easy to start and then run a company in Italy. We are literally strangled by bureaucracy and taxes and we’re not so open-minded towards innovation and change. I love my Country, but most of the time I feel just burying myself in here. Most of the times I’ve been experiencing the impression of living on a parallel dimension than my fellow countryman/women. They’re Americanized for what concerns their consumer desires and the obsession to be productive without knowing “why”, for which purpose.
Our traditions are rooted inside earth. Ours was a population of farmers, fishermen and visionary entrepreneurs. The pace of our lives went along with the slow rhythm of Nature. And if it was s fair to welcome progress, this wasn’t a good reason to repudiate our culture, that don’t correspond to Roman Catholicism – as many Italians use to claim when they fear of being corrupted by foreign religions. Ours is the culture of slow living that had given birth to several great minds.
Every morning I practice mindfulness and I plant the seeds of intention to shape My Rivendell in my mind. And so I dream of a group of folks reunited the evening in the chill-out area around a campfire chatting and laughing, after a long day of training in the Aquaponics greenhouses. The sky full of stars above us. Someone plays a guitar. Others toast some marshmallow. Everyone drink whether a glass of wine or whisky. We’re surrounded by thousands of fireflies that make impossible to recognize where the land ends and begins the sky. There are no noises from the outside world, just us filled of joy, serenity and purpose dreaming big. Dreaming to conquer the world. Someone suggests to join him/her in the swimming pool for a midnight swim. The water inside is warm and the mood of companionship is cheerful and relaxed. The shared sensation is that everything is going to be okay. We are safe and strong. We’re committed Dreamers and we’re not alone anymore.
All the times I feel discouraged or frustrated I remind myself why I choose to take this road instead of a beaten one. I owe to myself an haven like this firstly. Of course I can’t make it true if other people don’t believe in it. Maybe this journal of mine that I’m keeping can help in this sense. At least, I hope.
Are you a Dreamer by day?
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We’re going to raise together a wonderful Future.